a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
