So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize