when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
