Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
