I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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