Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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