I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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