i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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