how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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