eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
