Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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