She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
