Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize