i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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