i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
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