sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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