omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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