Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
