haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
