A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
