Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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