He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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