Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
