you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
