I can text with my tongue
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
