Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize