Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
