It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
