You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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