Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dignity is for republicans.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone came in the potted fern
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
