so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
