cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize