drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize