check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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