I want to stick my p in your. b.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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