you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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