ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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