i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You don't make any sense
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