dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
