After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
