Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
