I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
