I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So many bounce houses so little time
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
