We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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