my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
