you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
