either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
