mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
