I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
