i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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