Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
