sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
