i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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