His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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