Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
