I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
