so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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