I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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