I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
