Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
