found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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