I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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