Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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