UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My vagina is officially offended.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
