Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
