You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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