I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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