i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
