I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
