So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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