He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
