Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
