Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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