The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
