I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His nipple licking is glorious
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