I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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