Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
