covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
