Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
