I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize