Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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