im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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