You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
