Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
