it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
