White coat. Heels.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can you bring me the toilet please
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
