That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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