No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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